Untitled Document

THE WORLD'S FIRST LIVING SUMMER ACTION MOVIE

Kirk takes on the world's craziest motherfucker.

I present to you: Tom Cruise, as the postmodern living work of art. I
come to you trying to grasp a full knowledge of the "P" word, because I
hate it so very much. I loathe it. I think it's an easy out if you
don't know what you're talking about and it sucks to hear people throw it about like so many croutons on the salad of my intellectual
livelihood!
You can imagine my grief in having to pull the card right now for it.

From what I gather, it's got something to do with the rejection of
preconceived Modern notions, which sprung from 19th and 20th century ideals. Much of it involves a knowledge of what is and what is trying to Be art, and finding ways to deconstruct said art. The fact that
many people arguing on what it is and ain't is just extra icing on the
cake of frustration.* I'll just use whatever I can from the definition: Irony in the form of self-awareness, a knowledge of what is and has been going on, and the dissection of these things.

Once we get past the wall of Film=Commerce> Film=Art, we can strip it
down to essentials. We realize that this is a Summer Movie, and there
will be conventions and stuff you've seen before. MI3 is a lean mean
motha of a flick. It hits every last note of every spy movie worth a
damn, short of downhill skiing with machine guns (a thing that spies
pretty much shouldn't do, anyway). Gadgets, Guns, Girls. We've seen
it! We know it deeply. And yes, on its base level, it's True Lies:
Redux. However, this movie would be like Arnold making a movie about going on the Presidential campaign trail whilst simultaneously
fighting members of the press who were sleeper cell ninjas, sent by
Dubya, who's hell bent on securing an illegal third term by any means
necessary. ** Okay, well it's not that crucial, but maybe you see what
i'm getting at. It's a star vehicle packaged as a posit: "Is this motherfucker really crazy?" Shortish answer: "Yes, this motherfucker
is really crazy."

The set pieces are totally engineered in a way that immediately recall
iconic moments in the Cruise pantheon. These moments include (and are not limited to, see if you can find more):

Top Gun
Missions Impossible 1& 2,
Born on the Fourth of July
Far and Away,
annd I think maybe a touch of Jerry Maguire. Definitely.

Cruise's need to pull of some of his own stunts again blurs the line
between what is going on between the film and real life. Jumping on
Oprah's couch becomes jumping off of a 20 story building in Taiwan,
and it might as well be the same thing. He's gotta do it to save the
woman he loves! It's his job! And he loves her in this movie well
beyond the point of insanity. We get tears, rage, all the Cruisey
stuff that nobody ever seems to think he does but looking back on it,
this guy is pretty intense. I'm not even talking about liking him as a
person--I'm sure that Katie Holmes is heavily drugged and/or
hypnotized, no doubt. Michelle Monaghan even looks like Katie Holmes, except she's got a slightly cuter nose and was totally great last year in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (get the dvd when it comes out, you non-movie seeing bastards), and so we break down another reality wall.
There are like 4 Impossible Missions total in the movie, and they're
all kinetic and cool, and the pace doesn't lag too much. Everybody
brings something to their roles (SIMON PEGG!!!!) and I don't think
i've seen a better use of gadgets and trickery. Spy shit! We get
Marcellus Wallace in this one and not the "Tore my Versace shirt oh no
you DIDN'T!" Ving Rhames that was in MI:Poo. And to top it all off,
this movie not once, but twice effectively simulates my personal
experience with a brain tumor.

Somewhere in the flick is the coolest lead up to the uttering of a
Mother Goose line, possibly ever. I geek out.
Also, I may add that the Hoff is super seriously great in this. I
don't want to meet his character, ever. He's the Mattress Man's evil
twin! I may be totally reaching in this, but not only is this a
Magnolia (ugh) reunion, but it's some sort of revenge on Hoffman for
now getting the Oscar that perhaps Tom Cruise wishes he'd gotten years ago, or something. That doesn't even really work since this was made way before Oscar season. I guess I'll end it with that.

I gave the movie a hard eight until Kanye's new song AND remix came up on the credits, knocking it down a half point. I present to you, Tom
Cruise as the Plane-Shootinest, Couch/Building Jumpinest,
Baby-makinest, Car-slamminest, Nutty-Ass scientologist of the year,
dedicated to you and me and whomever to becoming the World's First
Living Summer Action Movie, in real time.
The end credits song should have been Gnarls Barkley's new single, "Crazy."

-Kirk